Open Diary 02

For the most part, today has been a really good mental health day for me. Lately I have become more and more grateful for my good days, as they are few and far between. One of the only blessings that my anxiety has given me is that it has helped me to understand the value of being at peace with myself. I used to drive myself crazy jumping from one thing to the next all for the sake of progress. Now I just try my best to get through the day. I try to take things one step at a time while surrounding myself with people and things that make me happy. Even though my life is a mess right now, I’m thankful for those small moments of comfort.

I started the day by watching the new season of PEN10 on Hulu. Then I colored a page in my coloring book, read my devotionals, and relaxed in bed with my daughter Gail. My son Brent has spent the day playing games upstairs in his room. The day was slow, uneventful, but I’m grateful for it. I won’t take these moments of peace for granted. After dinner I may try to start reading a book if I’m still felling up to it. Lately I have been trying to embrace hobbies like reading, coloring, puzzles, and board games that keep my mind busy without requiring me to do too much.

In other news, I have several social obligations coming up next weekend that I am a bit anxious about. Thankfully, one of those obligations will be in the comfort of my own home…baby steps. My husband has been causing me a lot of stress lately. He hasn’t slept much over the past three days and has been acting a little loopy. For instance, he blew up a freaking car battery in our basement last night by accident. He has been spending most of his time in the basement playing around. Sadly, I appreciate that because when he gets over tiered like this it triggers my anxiety. It pisses me off at the same time though, because he could/should be helping me out in the house instead of goofing off downstairs. Also, it seems that he has come into a small chunk of money that he just told me about today. I wonder if he was even planning to tell me at all if I didn’t ask him about it outright. I am going to try to get him to buy me some puzzles and coloring supplies before the money runs out. I know that it won’t last long.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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