Open Diary 15

I hope that all of you had a happy new year! As for me, my 2021 has gotten off to a good start.

Admittedly, I didn’t stay up to watch the ball drop this year as is our tradition. However, I think sleeping the night away while having to miss out on yet another festive tradition was a more honest and appropriate ending to 2020. I can’t say that I’ve made any resolutions for the new year, but I definitely have some ongoing goals that I hope to accomplish this year. This year I plan to strive to return to both college and my jewelry business, to get my car working and road legal, to get a job, to save money and start working on my credit, to be more thoughtful, to speak my mind more often (not going well so far), to read the Bible all the way through, and to read at least 100 new books. What about you guys? Do any of you have any resolutions or goals for 2021?

Saturday the 4th was our “After Christmas Christmas Game Night.” We had several new games to play and my bother and cousin came to join in the fun, giving us a larger group of players than we usually have. I think that having the extra players definitely added to the enjoyment of the evening. I made a group on Facebook and invited them all to join so it would be easier for me to share game night pictures and dates with them. My mom bought Gail Trouble and Candy Land while Ross’s mom got her Don’t Wake Daddy and Hi-Ho Cherry-O. It was nice that she was finally able to play some games with us that were best suited to her age. However, she seemed to want to spend most of the night mashing her new play dough into the carpet. After she had mixed all of the play dough colors into a brown blob, she came over to me and asked me to separate said blob back into its original colors lol. Also, when opening her play dough set she found a cutter that looked like a cloud. She held it up to her butt and said “It’s like my fart!” My mom and I busted out laughing. My mom got each of the kids a stocking filled with candy and a tooth brush. Gail got a few other toys and a stuffed Santa and elf that she decided to hang on the tree. Brent got a small black locker safe with $100 in it. He was really excited about that. I told him to hide the locker in his closet behind his books so his dad wouldn’t know that he had money. I know that it’s sad, but we all have to keep our money hidden from Ross. If he knows we have it, he will ask to borrow it. Granted, he always pays it back, but I just don’t feel like it’s right to borrow money from your young children. Moving on, for Christmas I got Brent two new games, The Grimwood and Exist. His Nana got him and Gail a game called Drop Squad. We made sure to play all of them at game night. They were all really fun. I don’t know if I can pick a favorite…maybe Drop Squad or Exist? We planned to cook a mini Christmas dinner but because no one was hungry, we just ended up ordering pizza. I think it was one of our best game nights yet. My mom also got us a gaming book were we can log the games we play, the winners, scoring, and the dates we played. It also includes a 10 game challenge. I think that we have decided to fill the book up with all games that include at least three players and then crown the ultimate gaming champion to the person who wins the most games.

After the party I was finally able to take down my Christmas decorations and do some rearranging and organizing. I didn’t change much, but my desk and bookcase are organized now and I have started displaying some of my knickknacks in new places, riveting I know lol.

On new years eve, I got an adorable 2021 planner in the mail that my mom ordered me for Christmas. It came at the perfect time, just in time for the new year. It has really been helping me to get motivated and to get things done during the day. Even accomplishing and crossing off small tasks, like cleaning the cat box, has done a lot for my mood. I have already made a return to my jewelry business and am on my way to studying to retake my algebra college placement test. I really think that this planner is going to be a life saver throughout this year. However, I was writing in it the other day and Gail did a jump and landed on her elbow right on the cover of my new planner. It bent the cover, which is really only visible from the inside of the planner. I am pretty necrotic about “imperfections” on my things. This doesn’t mean my possessions are all flawless, it just means that I become mentally and emotionally distressed when something I really like gets damaged or broken. To fix the planner, I covered the inside with stickers and put clear tape over them to hold them in place. I don’t hate it, though I wish that the cover was never damaged to begin with. *Sigh* Oh well, shit happens.

Speaking of my jewelry business, I think I am going to share my social links and site pages with you all on my blog so you can go check out my stuff if you feel called to. I haven’t made any sales since returning to my craft and I want to try to branch out a little bit. I know that there are so many people trying to sell things to their family and friends now days, so maybe branching out to my blog community could be helpful?

I’m still enjoying the silver bracelet and anxiety blend essential oil that my best friend got me for Christmas. However, next to my planner I think that my new favorite thing is my vintage handmade piggy bank that I guilted Ross into ordering me. It is so perfect and is a great way for me to save and hide away any money that may come my way through my jewelry business or from any job that I may get in the future. The box it’s self is handmade of oak wood and the door is an authentic combination post office door from the 1960’s. I am absolutely in love with it. I have always been a fan of old and used things. I love the history behind them. I can’t help imagining who had that post office door in the 1960’s when it was still in use. I used to be fairly talented with Clairtangency. Though I am out of practice, I keep getting the image of a young 20 something year old man with side combed sandy brown hair and glasses in my mind when I touch the door. I see him as thin and lanky in a brown suite. I know this sounds ridiculous, but fascinating all the same.

Both of my kids have gone back to school. For the past two days I have had about 6 hours each day to do whatever I want. I know that this window of free time is helping me to be more productive, but it still feels strange for both of my kids to be out of the house. To be honest, I have taken a nap both days…I had totally forgotten what it felt like to sleep during the day time lol. It’s nice, but I do miss them. Brent is happy because his girlfriend is in his gym class with him. Gail has been doing good so far. She had a small melt down on her first day but it was resolved quickly. However, she had a MAJOR melt down today right before it was time to go home. her teacher called me and asked me to pick her up at the front of the school instead of waiting in the car rider line to get her. When I got there, her face was puffy from crying and her hair was a mess. It almost looked like her teacher had been crying too, though I couldn’t really tell. Her teacher and the principal were really nice about it, though they did say that she was “combative.” He teacher clarified and said that she wasn’t really combative, she just kept throwing herself down onto the floor and refused to get up or pack her things. I knew that this was going to happen at some point and to be honest, I predict that it will happen pretty frequently. I just hate that I can’t be there to oversee how they manage it. I’m sure that they manage just fine…but I’m always going to worry that one of these days she is going to be too much for someone and they are going to react without thinking. It’s terrifying. I know that her teacher is exhausted with me messaging her everyday to remind her that Gail has to be supervised at all times and to call me if she needs help, but it drives me crazy not being able to make sure she is being treated well while at school. I love her and I just pray that the people brought into her life to care for her while she is in school will have the same kind of love and patience for her that I do. Aside from all of this, Gail’s teacher has assured me that she does well most of the time and that she has been socializing and trying to make friends.

Lastly, I think that Ross’s parents may have a lead on a used transmission for my car. I’m not holding my breath, because even once they do get me one I will have to wait on Ross to fix it, but at least this would be a step in the right direction. I hope it works out.

I have been having a lot of feelings and frustrations regarding Ross lately, much of it has been about drugs, money, and his behavior. But to be honest, I just don’t have the mental or emotional space to sit down and write through it all right now even though it would probably help. For now I think the best thing I can do for my mental health is to sit it to the side and retreat into my happy place lol. I’m sure I will get around to working through it all eventually.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

2 thoughts on “Open Diary 15

  1. sundaygirl9 says:

    My goodness, you’ve got a lot happening there. Happy New Year. I’m glad to read your fairing well. I, myself, don’t care to set New Year’s resolutions. If I want to change something, I manifest it when the time is right. What kind of jewelry do you specialize in? Do you craft them yourself?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AnxiouslyM says:

      Happy new year!! I am right with you there. I prefer to approach things as they come too. Sometimes trying to force yourself to abide by resolutions can make you feel like a failure when you are unable to fulfill them. I’d just rather not lol.

      So far, I have been working with beads and charms. Right now I make alot of cute beaded costume jewelry but I want to branch out more in the future to try other things. I make jewelry myself but some of my inventory was passed to me from another jewelry maker.😁


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