Open Diary 18

I am in serious need of a vent session.

If you have been reading my open diary posts than you know about all of the issues I have been having with my husband Ross. I have been depressed, anxious, angry, stuck, and defeated. He has taken all of my mental and emotional energy to the point that I have had no choice but to neglect my own needs. It has been a while since I have really engaged in my spiritual practice, but after some thought I realized that it may be good for me to ease back into it. I spent some time in prayer and contemplation and decided to break out my moldavite. I know that moldavite can really wreak some havoc so it is best to be prepared. However, after some thought I decided that there isn’t a single thing in my life that I wouldn’t be willing to knock over (except for my kids) if it meant that I could get out out of the mess that I am stuck in, so I decided to go for it.

I was expecting the moldavite to turn me into an anxious mess but I feel it has actually made me feel stronger and has already started opening up some doors for me. However, I did get a cold when I first started wearing it again. Perhaps my body is purging some things. Anyways, my transmission was delivered two days ago. I am so excited, I may actually be able to be mobile again soon. this would mean so much to me. I would be able to finish my degree and get a job if only my car was working…..so this brings me to my current frustration. I am reliant on Ross to fix it but he hasn’t stopped tripping on meth since the transmission came in long enough to make any progress on my car. He has told me that he could have it done in one day….but we are going on day 3 now. I am trying to give it some time, but if he does not move his ass I will have to try to come up with another option, regardless of how bad that pisses him off. I wish I knew how to keep the momentum going. I may have to meditate on it. Stay tuned for updates.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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