Continuing my work with The Devil (card)…
The card that I drew to represent the processing and integration of my shadow aspects surrounding The Devil card was The Magician. As I stated in a previous post, I found this very fitting because the magician is all about using the tools you have in front of you to change the life you have into the life you want. It is an action card and requires the person in question (me) to actually stand up and take control of their power to create change.
Supporting this is the card that I drew to represent the outcome of integration, the 6 of cups. This card is all about youth, childlike pleasures, and a nostalgia for the past. It is about the ability to be care free and joyous, focusing on the pleasure of the moment rather than trying to plan and strategize one’s way forward.
Looking at my reading as a whole I have learned that I have allowed my life to be controlled by fear in all of it’s forms. I have also allowed myself to be controlled by the desire for approval from others. Even my own opinion of myself has been disoriented because I tend to view myself first from the perspective of how I worry others might view me. Consequently, I have developed this compulsive need to strategize and thing something to death before taking action. Before doing anything, I always manage to talk myself out of it by thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn’t do it. I don’t do anything just for fun, and I feel like I have been stuck in a rut for my entire adult life as I wait for other people and circumstances to dictate how and if my life moves forward. I have spent a lot of time this week trying to think of ways to strategize and plan my what around these shadow aspects. However, based on the other two cards that I have drawn for this reading, I am starting to realize that the answer isn’t in the planning…it is in the doing. Like the child represented in the 6 of cups, I need to listen to my inner child when she demands to be heard. I have quieted her voice to a whisper, but the time has finally come for me to let her speak up. The part of me that constantly grapples for control needs to step aside, allowing my inner child to come to the forefront. I need to allow myself to act on impulse, to follow my gut and my intuition. I need to honor my feelings as they arise. Just as a child who feels powerful emotions and acts on them in the moment, I need to start allowing myself to do the same. Strategy and planning are good skills, but I don’t think they are required as much as I try to employ them. I allow my need to control myself and my image when I would really be a lot happier if I would just follow the moment, give into the feeling, and jump. Sometimes it is okay to dive in without testing the waters, to throw caution to the wind and embrace the pleasures of the now. I need to stop talking/writing about it and just do it!
My shadow work for the rest of this week may be best accomplished out in the real world instead of here on my blog. I need to stop thinking so much and act. For the rest of this week, I plan to focus on recognizing and honoring my feelings and urges in the moment. Old habits die hard, so I know that this is going to take some time. If for some reason I catch a feeling or urge after the fact that I repressed by reasoning or overthinking, I will make a note of it here on in my journal so I can understand the moment and my feelings surrounding it a bit better.
One of the things that I am already doing to focus on the pleasures of the now is engaging in my craft. I allowed myself to buy a few metaphysical books on impulse, and I have been allowing myself to try out some new things (like herbalism and kitchen craft) that I had always told myself that I wasn’t ready for in the past. I took a walk yesterday and foraged for plants while getting some much needed exercise and sun. I am hoping that my newfound interest in kitchen craft may even help me with me relationship with food as I work to make eating and cooking more fun and intentional. If I don’t write anything else on my blog for the rest of the week, I will be sure to make a brief post summarizing the week before moving onto a new shadow aspect.
These shadow work posts are truly for my own self discovery and development, but I appreciate those of you that took the time to read this. I plan to continue working with my shadow aspects relating to The Devil (card) for the rest of the week OR until I feel that it is time for me to move onto another card/shadow aspect.
Love Always, AnxiouslyM