I know that I am late to the party with this, but over the past two weeks I have been slowly reading my way through The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Though I have been focusing my efforts on applying the lessons that I have learned from my shadow work in my every day life this week, I felt the need to jot down some thoughts here on my blog pertaining to the second agreement mentioned in Ruiz’s book.
The second agreement in this book is, don’t take anything personally. I felt that this rule/agreement was especially applicable to my shadow aspects surrounding The Devil card. This agreement states that we should take nothing that anyone says or does towards us personally because in reality, it has nothing at all to do with us and everything to do with them. The things that people say and do come from their own understanding/rules/agreements that they have made with the world. Each person’s actions stem from their own indoctrination into the world. When someone says something hateful to us or calls us a bad name, it is only because that is what that person has been taught to say and believe, not because you actually are the thing that they called you. Consequently, we shouldn’t let what anyone says and does to us effect our opinion of ourselves OR our reaction to them. We must not lash back out at them in anger, but should instead respond with understanding and love.
As I was reading this, I kept thinking of my shadow aspects surrounding my need for validation, approval, and my fear of rejection. I have held myself back from doing so much simply because I have been afraid that people would judge me and the thing I was doing in a negative way. However, if I am able to train myself not to take those reactions to heart because they are based on the person’s indoctrination into the world rather than truth, maybe I can overcome my fear of rejection. Maybe if I can teach myself that it isn’t really ME that is being rejected, but rather all of the things about me and what I do that the person has been TAUGHT to shun for some reason or another, I can start to rebuild my courage and confidence to be myself unapologetically. Their rejection of me has nothing to do with me. It comes from a place of conditioning and pain within themselves.
Contrastingly, I should not allow my ego to be boosted up by someone’s approval, praise, or validation. Just as people reject and condemn things that they have been taught are “bad”, they also praise and validate the things that they have been taught are “good.” Neither of these reactions are based on indisputable truth. They are only based on how the individual in question has been conditioned to view the world.
My goal should be to become so grounded and at peace with who I am, that no negative OR positive judgment will sway me. I should take the time to get to know myself, the dark and the light, so I will no longer let other people tell me who I am based on THEIR conditioning. Not only will this allow me to shed my fear of rejection and my need for approval and validation, it will allow me to better understand fellow human beings who still act out from a place of conditioning and pain within themselves. It will bring me to a place where I can respond to those people with love instead of polluting the world and my own heart with more hate.
Time to try to put this in action…
Love Always, AnxiouslyM