So, I’m back today for a new card pull. I don’t know how much I really accomplished in my day or so off, but the process is ongoing.
For my new shadow aspect card I dew Queen of Pentacles reversed, for how to integrate I drew 5 of Swords reversed, and for the outcome of integration I drew the Knight of Pentacles. All of these reversals have me thinking that this week may require me to do a lot of internal processing rather than outward action. We we sill how it unfolds.
The Queen of Pentacles reversed tells me that I need to focus on learning to nurture and provide for myself just as I do for everyone else. It is time for me to start making myself a priority. Even though I am married with children, this card tells me that I need to start striving to support myself, both financially and emotionally. This may involve me getting a job, saving money, and focusing on learning to become financially savvy so I can afford the life I want. I need to prepare to take care of myself BY MYSELF just incase the day comes when I am ever in that position. Additionally, this card tells me that I need to evaluate the balance in my life. Am I giving myself adequate attention? Am I giving too much attention to my home and family but not enough to my finances and work? Alternatively, this card can sometimes refer to someone who is financially manipulative and controlling. This person may try to control the actions of others by using money, security, or nurturing “love” as a reward/punishment. As a provider, this person hoards resources to themselves or unfairly doles them out rather than providing for all equally. Am I like this? Is there, or has there, been someone in my life like this who has influenced my shadow’s development.
For how to integrate, I drew the 5 of Swords reversed. This card in reversed speaks to a lose lose situation. Maybe I get what I want and maybe I don’t…but was the fight worth it either way? This card indicates a struggle or disagreement with someone close to me who refuses to listen to my side of things. Likewise, it could also be my that is refusing to hear someone else out. This card represents conflict that is difficult to walk away from, the type that follows you around for a long time. Additionally, this card can represent old wounds being reopened, resentment, and a fear of history repeating itself. I need to ask myself how I can turn this situation around for the better. Something constructive needs to be done to resolve the conflict so I can move forward. I may have to decide if I walk away from it all in the end. Is this a conflict that I am having with myself or a conflict that I am having with someone close to me? How is this connected to the Queen of Pentacles urging me to put myself first and make myself a priority? My gut tells me there there will be some things with Ross that I will need to deal with. I could be wrong, but the Queen of Pentacles and the 5 of Swords are pointing to a lot of things that I was just talking to my friend Angel about yesterday. I was telling her that the situation with Ross’s addiction is like an ongoing roller coaster. He does good for a while and then he is back to his old tricks. I told her I don’t want to have to drag him along for the rest of my life, and that I am sick of carrying everything on my own without help or respect. I told her that I want to go to therapy, both alone and with him, so we can try to work through these issues…because I am not happy. I told her that I was just going to focus on me and getting myself to a place where I could financially support myself, and if he wasn’t ready to move forward by the time I am ready to move forward…I may have to go on without him. I have tried to be there for him and I will always love him, but I don’t think it is fair to do this to myself forever. It has already been 15 years! I need a resolution. As I said, I could be wrong about the direction this card is pointing me in. This is just what my gut is telling me. Alternatively, I may also need to resolve some conflicts with myself OR with whoever the Queen of Pentacles is representing, if she is in fact representing a person.
For the outcome of integration I drew the Knight of Pentacles reversed. I feel that this card is telling me that, by integrating the Queen of Pentacles, I will come to recognize the areas of my life that have become stuck or stagnant. This will open up the door for me to make some major changes. This card indicates the need for discipline to achieve a goal. So, I may find that in order to get thing rolling I will need to start focusing on a strict plan to get to where I want to be rather than dreaming up new ideas and paths. Ultimately, this card reveals the need for forward movement. I may need to dedicate myself to my personal development journey or make an effort to be more adventurous. Right in my wheel house, sticking to plans and routines will become very helpful in getting some momentum going. I should be careful not to judge myself too harshly for how I move forward. The only thing that matters is that I get myself moving again.
These shadow work posts are truly intended for my own self discovery and development, but I thank those of you who took the time to read this. I will be working with my shadow aspects relating to the Queen of Pentacles for the rest of the week OR until I feel that it is time for me to move onto another shadow aspect/card.
Love Always, AnxiouslyM