Shadow Work Session 28: Queen Of Pentacles Reversed

Sorry in advance, this post is a bit short, random, and chaotic.

I think that I made a pretty honest and accurate assessment of where I spend my mental energy. I kept my journal with me all day so I could keep track of what I was spending my energy and time on. Honestly, I wasn’t too surprised by the results.

As I suspected, I spent most of my mental energy day planning, making doctors appointments, and engaging in my hobbies. I was frequently mentally and emotionally stressed out by Ross’s shenanigan’s. Probably the most shocking thing that journaling revealed to me was that, aside from the stress from Ross and some early morning anxiety, I was happy. In addition to noting where I spent my mental energy, I decided to keep track of the rest of my energy as well. I found that most of my emotional energy went to my kids and Ross. My physical energy went to daily tasks, my hobbies, house work, and my kids. My spiritual energy was mostly spent on myself during my morning zen time. However, I did find myself dealing with some spiritual empathic sludge from Ross as usual.

I’m going to continue to keep track of my energy in my journal throughout the week. I want to have enough information so I can make an honest assessment closer to the end of the week. I also want to mention that I am searching for a therapist now. Sadly, I am still waiting on several places to call me back. After a whole morning of searching, I didn’t really come up with any useful information. Hopefully I will find something I can work with by the end of the week.

In thinking about the Queen of Pentacles and the need to work on my financial independence, I think that I am going to start adding more money to my savings each week. I was originally happy with the $1,500.00 that I had already saved, but I think it would be a more productive use of the money I get from Ross’s unemployment to continue building that nest egg. I think I am going to split the money that I get from him in half. I will keep half of the money to cover gas and such for the week, and the second half will be added to my savings. I also think that I need to spend some time thinking of ways that I can make money right now. I don’t want to get a job right now because I may be starting school in the fall and I want to get all of my doctors visits and therapy out of the way just incase getting a job causes me to lose my insurance. However, I am sure that there are things that I can do from home. I have already been using several receipt tracker apps to get money back on purchases. It is taking forever to build up a balance that I can actually withdrawal from the app, but at least it’s something. I have my jewelry business that I have been sleeping on. I had planned to go to vendor fairs and craft shows this spring-fall. I also wanted to try to get something set up on Etsy. Maybe I should get on that? I have my tarot reading, bone reading, and I have thought about trying to sell spell bottles and things like that. Is there something else? Maybe I am missing something. I think that I will spend the day giving this some extra thought.

Do any of you have any work from home ideas?

One last thing that I want to add before signing off for the day, I have been getting the feeling that I may be using my hobbies to cover up the fact that I am emotionally overwhelmed. There is conflict in my life but I clearly would rather spend my free time ignoring it while I disappear into my hobbies. This thought keeps coming back to me, but I can’t quite make sense of it yet. I know another aspect of my shadow work for this week involves open honest communication between myself and those in my life that I am in conflict with…I just don’t how to make this happen. The person that I need to work through things the most with is Ross but talks between us never go anywhere. He is like a brick wall and in the end he does what he wants. How do I engage him in conversation that will actually do some good? I know I need to have an honest conversation with myself too. This week is pretty loaded with some things that I don’t really know how to start. I hope that I can figure something out. I don’t want to be stuck in this. I need to move through it somehow.

These shadow work posts are truly intended for my own self discovery and development, though I thank those of you who took the time to read this. I plan to continue to work with my shadow aspects relating to the Queen of Pentacles reversed for the rest of the week OR until I feel it is time for me to move onto another card/shadow aspect.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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