Open Diary 21

I know that I am a little late posting about this, but I wanted to talk about my trip to Roanoke VA with my friend Tiff last Saturday. She picked me up early and we drove the 3 hours or so down to down town Roanoke. I felt silly because I thought we were going to the coastal area of the lost colony of Roanoke. Apparently they are two separate locations lol. I really liked the city area. Like Asheville NC, it was a metropolis nestled in the mountains. I liked that depending on where we were in the city, we could see mountains rising up on the sky line. We had a really good time checking out the town. We started with coffee followed by checking out some of the local shops. Next we had lunch at a place called Wasabi’s. If you are ever in the area and like sushi, Wasabi’s is the place to go. I had the vegetarian lunch special which included a veggie sushi with something called tempura fried zucchini. It was drizzled with yum yum sauce and was honestly the best sushi that I have ever had in my life. Since coming home I am already researching recipes to try to learn how to make it myself. After lunch, it started to rain. However, we were prepared and continued to walk through the town with an umbrella. We wend into a few more shops and walked through the farmers market. We took a walk through the green way which wasn’t very “green” but was still nice. We walked by the train station and checked out the outside of a few apartment buildings that she was interested in. Lastly, we walked the grounds of this really beautiful hotel and went to the local art museum. By this point, I was soak and wet from the rain. We decided to check out the mall before heading home. The mall there was really nice, but was much like the mall we have at home. While there, I set out in search of jacket to buy that was both cheap and dry lol. I found this really comfy gray zip up granny sweater at Old Navy for $7.99 so I snatched it up. It is soooooo cozy. I swear it feels more like a blanket that a jacket, My taurus self was happy. Tiff got a cotton camo zip up. After this, we made our way back home. All in all, it was a really great day with minimal anxiety. I was really thankful that Tiff did all the driving. I don’t think that I could have done it on my own.

Lastly, I wanted to mention that the day before yesterday, Ross and I took a trip up to the mountains near my house. I was originally planning to go alone to get some exercise and sit and contemplate my shadow work by the waterfall. However, I was happy when he said he wanted to go with me to fly his drone. I wanted us to have a fun time together, but it was only okay. A bit disappointing even. He was depressed the whole time. He was disappointed that he couldn’t get a better view with his drone. He didn’t want to walk too much because he was out of breath (which I was okay with). He hardly talked. I was confused. I didn’t really know how to respond to him being so moody and closed off. He didn’t seem to have fun at all. Aside from that, it was nice to get back into nature. I had some anxiety going out, probably because I was reliving the trauma of my white water rafting trip with Ross last year. Have I ever talked about that on here before? However, I felt much better when I was sitting by the falls. I got a little peaceful contemplation in while we were there. Also, I was reminded that that was where me and Ross had our first date when I was 16 years old. It was strange remembering how lovey dovey we were then, kissing and taking pictures in front of the falls. If was even stranger to realize how different things were now, the two of us doing our own thing on opposite ends of the falls, both of us barely speaking to the other. I was happy that he wanted to come. It showed some effort on his part. However, I don’t know how I feel about it now that it is all said and done.

In other news, the kids are still doing well. Gail’s two front teeth are lose and Brent made straight A’s on his most recent report card. Brent and I have been spending quality time together. However, we got into a spat yesterday because I asked him to help me make dinner and he had an attitude about it. I asked him to take the hot pizza stone out of the oven, and when he did, he tossed it down on a plastic bag of chicken nuggets. I didn’t appreciate the attitude, and I don’t think that there is anything wrong with asking teenagers to help around the house. However, I worry that most of my frustration was no caused my Brent and was actually caused by Ross, who was lounging around in the bedroom while I was struggling to cook dinner for 4 people. I need to be careful not to do that again. I should never take out frustration that I feel towards Ross for not helping me on Brent for being a normal kid. It isn’t right. I should probably apologize to him.

As for me, I my resume has been made and I have been sending it out to jobs. I have an interview on Monday, my birthday, with an insurance call center company. My car is still running well and things are steadily improving for me personally, even if my marriage is still a mess. My garden has been doing well too. I planted my squash and cucumbers in my raised bed. I am almost ready to repot my eggplant and I just had two baby watermelon sprouts come up. I have been doing some foraging. Yesterday I went out to pick some white clover for tea and some dandelions to make dandelion oil. I filled out my FAFSA and have reapplied to college. Now I just have to wait for their reply and retake that math test. I made a new Instagram so I could share pictures from my life to my blog without including pitures of the people in my life (for protection and privacy purposes). Things are okay, but I have been struggling with my anxiety a bit more than usual lately. I wonder why it has decided to reemerge? I can’t think of anything that may be triggering it other than Ross…and also this is the time of year last year when I had my mental breakdown…maybe that’s it?

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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