Shadow Work Session 42: 9 Of Cups

Today, I am going to be researching tips that may help me to overcome my fear of judgement, failure, and my lack of self confidence.

Starting with my feat of judgement, I began my research by reading an article on huffpost.

  • Know your own strengths and weaknesses – This makes a lot of sense to me. I think that making sure that you honest and self aware about who you are and what you bring to the table, both good and bad, you won’t be as thrown off if someone was to bring up something that you perceive as a weakness. Additionally, knowing who you are and what you have to contribute ensures that you won’t be hurt or swayed by the judgements of others. If you know who you are, no one else will ever be able to make you doubt yourself.
  • Resist letting others define you – This is kinds like the first tip. Understand that everyone has an opinion and that you can never make EVERY person like you. However, you can chose to like yourself and to not let those opinions influence your actions and emotions. If you find that the judgement of others hurts you, you should instead focus on how you feel about yourself and working to build up your self esteem.
  • Be aware of your inner critic – Be mindful of your thoughts and the way that you speak to yourself. When we allow negative self talk, any negative opinions that come at us from the world are only confirming the bad things that we have already been thinking. You have to like yourself, and to do this, you can’t talk badly to yourself and allow the negative self critical thoughts to drive you. What I have been trying is, when I notice a self critical thought come up, I remind myself that the thought isn’t true. Then, I replace the bad thought with three positive ones.
  • Make yourself a priority – You should care more about what YOU think of YOU than you do about what others think of you. Additionally, your opinion of yourself should not be based on the opinions of others. Prioritize yourself, and instead of asking yourself what other people will think of something, ask yourself how YOU feel about it.
  • Invest in yourself – Do the things that make you happy, even if you are scared of how others will perceive it. The only one who can make you happy is you, so do what you need to do to make that happen. Lastly, keep growing and searching for new ways to challenge yourself.

As I think of this, I am reminded of one of the four agreements, don’t take anything personally. This is something that I need to constantly remind myself of when I am feeling fear of judgement. A person’s judgement of me means nothing. it is only a reflection of what they have been taught to believe. It does not effect me at all.

Next, I am moving on to researching some tips to overcome fear of failure. I found a helpful list on Vivid. However, it is a bit long, so I am only going to talk about my favorite tips on the list.

The tip that I found the most helpful, is that instead of focusing on making predictions for how something will turn out, focus on the desire. Focus on what you want as the reward. Keep your eyes on the prize as they say. Again, this article mentions that self confidence is really important here. You have to believe in your ability to overcome challenges and go after what you want. You have to believe in your ability to redirect and move forward when things don’t work out. To overcome fear of failure, it can sometimes help to set small achievable goals. Instead of viewing what you want as a long and impossible journey, view it as a path that you can break down into smaller bits. There is no time limit, so move at your own pace as long as you are moving forward. Don’t focus on the fear. Focus on what is driving you forward! See mistakes as a chance to learn. Change how you view failure. Failure is never permanent, and always offers new opportunity.

Lastly, I am going to research some tips on building self confidence. Another long list of tips from PsychologyToday, I am simply going to provide the link without going into every single thing.

For the sake of blogging, I will mention some of my favorite key points. A big key to self confidence is improving your self talk. It seems that that pesky inner critic can do a lot of damage to the wat that we relate to ourselves and the world around us. We need to keep the bad thoughts in check and focus on the good. When you find yourself thinking that you aren’t good enough, force yourself to make a list of your strengths and accomplishments. When feeling down, refocus on all of the things that you like about yourself. Start with one thing if you have to and then build the list as time goes on. Make self care a priority. Make sure that you are showering and wearing clean clothes. Surround yourself with good supportive people. Even though it wasn’t mention on this list, I think that knowing yourself is really important here as well. After all, how can you trust and feel good about yourself if you don’t even know who you are. See yourself as worthy and valuable. Don’t allow others to make you question that you have an equal right to hold space. Know that within your own life, you actually have MORE right than others to hold space, because your life is yours alone.

These shadow work posts are truly intended for my own self discovery and development, but I thank those of you who took the time to read this. I will be moving onto a new shadow aspect tomorrow.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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