Shadow Work Session 49: Knight Of Cups Reversed

Obviously, I didn’t make it back yesterday to blog about my boundaries. To be honest, I was kind of blogged out and just wasn’t feeling it. However, I did spend some time thinking about my boundaries and the things that I will and will not tolerate from others or myself. I’m sure that I have more, but these are just some of the things that came up.

  • Talking over me.
  • Gaslighting.
  • ^Trying to make me feel responsible for your happiness, emotions, or perceptions.
  • Screaming or talking in a loud angry voice to avoid open communication.
  • Calling me names.
  • Belittling me or putting me down in any way.
  • Not respecting my home/safe space.
  • Touching my things without asking first.
  • Using my expensive things like my car and my camera without asking first.
  • Taking money from me without asking.
  • Pressuring me into loaning you money.
  • Pressuring or manipulating me into ANYTHING after I have already expressed discomfort with the situation.
  • Not respecting how I schedule my time, meaning that they try to interfere and pull me away from people and activities that I have expressed that I have designated said time for.
  • Being taken advantage of.
  • Any attempt to cause me physical, mental, or emotional harm.
  • Belittling my anxiety and pressuring me during a panic attack.
  • Not respecting when I say no.
  • Putting me down for my beliefs and values just because they do not match your own.
  • Tring to prevent me from taking care of my own needs.
  • Asking me personal questions and then pressuring me when I refuse to answer them.
  • Expecting me to do spiritual work for free because of our personal relationship.
  • Emotionally dumping on me without first asking me if I am in a mental and emotional state to take it on.

As I said before, I know that I have a lot more, but I think that this is a good list to get started with. In the near future I think that I may sit down and write out a full list of my boundaries, including my mental, physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual, material, time, and self boundaries. If you are interested in exploring your personal boundaries too, you may enjoy this article that I found an article on PsychCentral. This article explains the different types of personal boundaries and why they are important. I found several other articles on this site that were very helpful. You should be able to find them too though a quick search.

Since my boundary setting work didn’t take up too much of my time today, I want to go ahead and finish up my work with this card. One aspect of the Knight of Cups reversed that I haven’t really explored yet, is his tendency to be all dreams and ideas with no plan or action. As I mentioned in a previous shadow work post, I know that I often idealize the end goal without fully respecting the process of achieving that goal. I don’t know why I do this. I think that maybe it could be connected to being poor all my life and wanting things to be different without knowing exactly how to make it happen. I am very much still in this place today, though I feel like I have already made some major improvements. However, I also often find myself questioning all of my dreams and desires along the way and end up abandoning it all in favor of something else more immediately gratifying before I have reached my goal. I have a major issue with follow through when it comes to practical things. I don’t know why I do this. Part of me thinks that this could all go back to me fear of failure and feeling like I am not allowed to have big dreams. I have no problem with enjoying the fantasy, and I may even dabble in trying to make it happen, but in the end I always give up because I never truly think that I can make it.

So, what do I want now? What are those things that I want to happen but feel are too big for me. Thankfully, I already made that list during one of my previous shadow work sessions. You can check it out here.

Now that I know what I want out of my life, I need to get out of the dreaming phase and start DOING.

I drew the King of Wands as my action card or integration card. This card tells me that to make my dreams come true, I need to become the leader of my own life. I need to remember that I am not simply a character in someone else’s story, I am the main character of MY story and it is up to me to make sure that my story goes the way that I want it too. I think that this will require some form of dedication from me. This is not to say that I am never allowed to change my mind, but I should be careful to inspect WHY I want to change my mind before doing it. If the reason is simply because I feel that the goal is too far away or that I can not achieve it own my own, then I need to do some inner work to overcome those feelings and stick to the original plan. However, if I find that my life is taking me in a different direction or that I have realized a new dream that is better suited for me, then I can move on with my plans to change course.

My vision for my life is already set, so I don’t need to do any more daydreaming. I need to take the King of Wands advice and get to work. I am not alone in this. There are tons of people who support me and who want to see me succeed. I need to remember that I don’t have to work alone. Lastly, I need to remember the lessons that I learned last week, and not waste precious time on things and people who aren’t serving the big vision that I have set for my life.

I don’t plan to include this on my blog, because I don’t think it will really help anyone but me. But over the course of the next two days, I will pull out that list of goals that I made earlier in my shadow work journey. I plan to modify it ever so slightly to fit my current needs, and create a step by step plan to reach each goal. This will help me with motivation by allowing me to focus on the smaller attainable goals rather than the big far off goals. For each goal, I will jot down a list of people in my support system who may be able to help me out along the way. Then, I will get to work. It is time to make it happen! Wish me luck.

These shadow work/self development posts are truly intended for my own self discovery and development, but I thank those of you who took the time to read this. I will be moving on to a new card/shadow aspect/personal development topic tomorrow.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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