Shadow Work Session 50: Page Of Cups Reversed

It seems that my tarot deck is determined to keep me in the realm of emotions this week. Today I drew the Page of Cups reversed for my shadow aspect/personal development topic, The Lovers reversed as my integration/action card, and 2 of Wands as my outcome card. These cards are frustrating me a bit. I want them to represent something that I need to work on within myself, but I keep getting the feeling that they are talking about Ross and my relationships with myself and others. I’m just going to keep moving forward and see what I come up with.

The Page of Cups reversed represents blocked creativity and emotional repression. It indicates that my inner child is blocked and is somehow not being honored. While working with this card, I need to explore what emotions I may be suppressing and why. I also need to think about how I can bring joy and fun back into my life plan. It seems that in my mind, things are either “fun” or they are “work,” never both. Maybe it is my Taurus nature, but I think that I need to work on this a bit this week. How can I make the work I do fulfilling to both my wallet and my soul? The Page of Cups reversed tells me that I need to draw my attention back to the creative and emotional issues in my life right now.

I think that the Page of Cups reversed may also be telling me to take a good hard look at my inner child and how my past experiences are influencing my emotional and creative ambitions today. The Page of Cups in reversed represents someone who is spoiled and has a tendency towards double standards. They may be lazy, and expect other people to fix their problems for them. The Page of Cups reversed may be afraid of real life and taking care of themselves. Therefore, they might chose to remain irresponsible and childlike. They refuse to see things as they really are if the thing in question does not comply with what they want. This card represents someone who may be prone to tantrums and petty emotions. Is this me? Was I like this in my past? Was I influenced by someone like this?

The thing that makes me wonder if this could be about Ross, is that the discerption of the Page of Cups reversed included in the previous paragraph sounds EXACTLY like him. Additionally, the Page of Cups reversed can also indicate a person who escapes their problems by using drugs and alcohol. It sounds a lot more like him than it does me…but the reading is supposed to be for MY self development. Maybe I will understand better as I move forward.

The Page of Cups reversed can also indicate someone who has a loud inner critic. It indicated one who is struggling to accept themselves as they as they truly are. Is this me? How does this play into my life past and present?

With The Lovers reversed showing us as an action card, I am wondering if I am being called to address my past issues with infidelity and my past and present relationship to sex. This could be where some of the emotional repression comes into play. The Lovers reversed can often represent infidelity and sexual incompatibility and disfunction. Furthermore, this card can sometimes represent repressed sexuality. I may also need to examine the quality of my current and past relationships, as The Lovers Reversed indicates shallow superficial relationships that are often based on sex, selfishness, and drama.

The Lovers reversed indicates imbalance, both within myself and my relationships. The different aspects of myself are not living in harmony within me. My values may be misaligned with what is currently happening in my relationships and the way that I am living my life. There is something unaligned with my highest good that I am ignoring for the sake of keeping my life and relationships as they are. I need to figure out what this is and correct it. I am out of sync with my loved ones, and need to give some of my attention back to my relationships. This does not mean that I need to throw myself into them, as The Lovers reversed can indicate a tendency to bury one’s self in their relationships. In this case, I am being asked to acknowledged that my relationships are strained and need attention. This card indicates that some of my relationships are simply growing apart from me. Even those that are still firmly in my life may have developed feelings and values that are totally out of sync with mine. I need to question why each person came into my life in the first place, and determine if they are still playing an active part.

People may feel that I am neglecting them or have grown cold. Why has this happened? I may need to explore my attachment style a bit more. According to this card, I may be a bit selfish in relationships. Alternatively, I may often be attracted to selfish people. I need to address this.

Personally, this card indicates that I need to work on self love. I need to calm my inner critic so I can see things clearly. Clearly I am experiencing some kind of inner conflict. I need to assess my values to figure out what that is and send off whatever does not jive with my soul.

Lastly, as an action, The Lovers reversed indicated hard decisions that need to be made. By the end of my work with these cards, I may find myself having to make a hard choice so I can better align myself with my values.

The 2 of Wands is all about future planning and progress. I am still moving forward, though the fast energy of my last outcome card (8 of Wands) has died down a bit. Completing my work this week will bring me to a place of clear vision. I will know what I am moving towards but will need to spend some time planning HOW to move forward. It seems I keep swimming back and forth between the action phase and the planning phase. I will feel inspired and creative again, and will have a plan that will let me move forward both practically and creatively.

I will be coming into a place of self discovery and new experiences. Perhaps acknowledging the ways that I am living that aren’t in alignment with my soul will present me with the need to explore to find out what IS in alignment. I will be making moves and changes, no longer sitting around waiting for things to get better on their own.

Lastly, just like The Lovers reversed, the 2 of Wands represents having to make choices. I don’t know what this could be, but hopefully it will become clear as I move forward.

These shadow work/self development posts are truly intended for my own self discovery and development, but I appreciate those of you who took the time to read this. I will be working with these shadow aspects and self development topics until I feel that it is time for me to move onto something new.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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