I am exhausted. It is definitely Monday. I have been putting this off all morning, but I think that I need to just get on with it.
The Page of Cups often represents creativity. In reversed, that means creative blockages. I think that it interesting that this is something that came up for me right now, as I am at a place in my life where I focusing more on the practical and less on the creative. However, I did a reading this morning about my new job, drawing some cards to find out how that experience would be for me and if I would be successful in the position. The reading was overwhelmingly positive, though I did draw the Three of Wands reversed. This speaks to unexpected delays, but it also indicated that I may have underestimated how much work would be involved in this job. It indicates that though I will do well and will be happy, I am a bit unprepared for the work load. This isn’t too surprising to me, as I am going from being a stay at home mom to a full time employee. However, it does help me to make a bit more sense of why I am being asked to work on opening up my creative centers.
If I am going to be working all of the time, it is going to be important for me to make time for honoring my emotions, my inner child, and my creativity. I need to make time for fun and expression.
Additionally, I think that engaging in some creative outlets may help me to work through my emotional and creative blocks. I may find that I can better process my repressed emotions though creative expression. Allowing myself to be creative and engaging my inner child, I may be able to become more authentic in my self expression.
So, what can I do right now that is creative? I have my blog, which I love and never want to get rid of. However, I would like to do more with it than just making posts about myself and my own personal development. I just never seem to get around to it because after spending an hour each morning writing out my shadow work post, I don’t usually feel like doing anymore writing. Maybe I should try to play around with my schedule a bit when I get it to see if I can make room each week to write about at least one other topic on my blog, aiming to keep creative expression at it’s core? Perhaps some short stories, poetry, or creative writing? I also think that I may be able to engage my creativity through my jewelry business. After all, jewelry making is a creative hobby. This is yet another thing that I don’t really make much time for, which could be why my “business” is kind of at a stand still. Considering my inner child, I know that I used to really like singing. I have always wanted to learn how to play the guitar and write my own songs. My son has a guitar AND a keyboard in his room just collecting dust. With all of the free lessons and tutorials on YouTube, maybe I can actually learn something if I made time for it. I know that I can start doing some of these things now, but I feel weird getting started when my entire schedule is going to be changing in a few weeks. Maybe I will just do some thinking about what types of creative recreation that I want to make time for, and then work them in when I get a firm schedule from my job.
I feel that creativity and self expression are closely tied to our self identity, our ability to connect with others, and our ability to connect to ourselves. It gives us a means of honoring and expressing the thoughts and feelings within us and expressing them outwardly to the world. Maybe I will even be able to work through some of my sexual issues and confusion in this way? Clearing my creative blocks may help to bring emotions that I have been repressing to the surface. I know that blogging certainly does that for me. Here’s to hoping.
Looking at my action card for this week, The Lovers reversed, in order for me to truly engage my creativity and my inner child, I am going to have to let go of my fear of judgement and rejection from others. Thankfully, I have already done a lot of work on this. The Lovers reversed says that I need to work on embracing all aspects of myself and stop allowing my inner critic to control me. It tells me that I need to focus on self love. I know that I love myself, but I really am my own worst critic. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I always fear being judged by others because I feel that I have a tendency to judge the way that other people “put themselves out there.” As long as I continue to do this, I will always extend that same judgement to myself, it is the karma of allowing toxic tendencies like this to control you. I am still continuing to point out three positive things for one negative thing that my brain notices about myself and others. I feel that this has really helped me to appreciate both myself and others. It helps me to see that we are all just trying to live as our authentic selves, no one deserves shame or judgement for that.
Now that I have made a note of how I plan to unblock my creativity and inner child moving forward, I will be able to move onto the messier stuff tomorrow. The Page of Cups reversed represents someone who is spoiled, cold, emotionally immature/manipulative, and lazy. It is someone who is afraid of growing up, so they remain a big child who expects others to take care of them. The Page of Cups reversed is also prone to double standards and tantrums. I need to figure out who this is because if it’s me, I need to straighten my ass out. As a shadow aspect, I think that I can learn to understand and accept these traits while not allowing them to control me. However, I have to understand how all if this fits into my life because right now I don’t really understand.
Looking at my action card, this could very will be referring to Ross and our incompatibilities. I also may have a tendency to fall for partners like this. There could also be some sexual things that I will have to address, but I’m not sure yet how the work will play out.
These shadow work/self development posts are truly intended for my own self discovery and growth, but I thank those of you who took the time to read this. I will continue working with my shadow aspects and self development topics relating to the Page of Cups reversed until I feel that it is time for me to move onto something new.
Love Always, AnxiouslyM