Open Diary 24

I have decided to take a break with my shadow work/personal development work until I see what my new schedule is going to be like when I start working and going back to school again. As I finished up my work last week, it just felt like a good place to stop for now. I still have a lot of things to think about, which I think will carry me through until I am able to start up again.

Things have been going okay in my personal life. I don’t know if I mentioned it already, but I was finally able to update my phone with the money that I have been saving. I had been using one of those cheap no name Android phones (not that there is anything wrong with that) but now I have leveled up to the Samsung Galaxy S21 Ultra. I love it and feel that it definitely suites my needs more than the phone I had before. The only thing that I didn’t like about it is that since it has a curved screen, they don’t make glass screen protectors for it. At first I tried to go with one of those rubbery adhesive ones but I hated it. Now I am using Liquid Glass. I like the Liquid Glass much better so far, I just hope that it continues to protect the screen from scratches like it is supposed to do.

Brent’s girlfriend came over to out house to hang out for the first time this weekend. I worried that it would be awkward but they had a great time. They watched movies in the living room while I worked on making our new weekly chore chart nearby. It was weird seeing them be so affectionate. I haven’t really seen Brent engage with anyone like that before. He is growing up too fast. After watching a few movies, we took a drive to get my Liquid Glass. I decided to leave the kids in the car while I went inside because Gail was with us too. I kept checking on them out the window and Brent kept giving me the thumbs up that they were okay. When I got back out to the car, they were all complaining about how hot it was because my dumb ass left the windows up and took the car keys in the store with me. I wish Brent would have signaled me while I was in the store and I would have come out and turned the AC on. After that, we stopped by a pizza restaurant for dinner and then took Brent’s girlfriend home. They are already asking to hang out again soon.

I picked up Gail’s first pair of glasses at the optometrist’s office last week. She loves them and they look so adorable on her. She keeps them on pretty well, but she does have a habit of taking them off and leaving them laying around without asking. After the first week, her glasses lenses are already really scratched up. I expected it to happen eventually, after all she is only 5 years old. However, I didn’t think that it would happen so soon!! I hope that the lenses hold up for at least a year. Thankfully one of the pairs I got her has a 1 year warranty.

I went to Gail’s end of the year IEP meeting at school and I think that we have decided to integrate her more into the EC class next year. We think she may learn better in a less restrictive environment. The school has already started placing her in the EC class every now and then, and she seems to be doing much better there. We may always switch her back to the regular classroom depending on her development.

*Cute funny terrible thing that I wanted to jot down, Gail rode to the store with her Grandma the other day to get some cigarettes for Ross. When they went inside Gail shouted, “I want some cigarettes too!”*

Not much else is new with the kids. Their school year is almost over. This week will be their last week and then they will be off for the summer. Gail is happy about this but Brent is kind of upset. His girlfriend won’t be going to his school next year so he isn’t too excited about this school year coming to an end.

I haven’t hear anything new from my job and it is starting to make me nervous. All of our previous communication has been online, so I don’t know who to call to ask about what the next steps are. I am supposed to start my first day of training on June 7th, yet there has been no word from the job about where I need to go or what I need to do on that day. Not to mention, they are supposed to be sending me worhek from home computer equipment which I haven’t received and have no clue if it has even been shipped off yet or not. I really hope that I hear from them soon. I think that if I don’t hear something by tomorrow, I will call the local office on Friday to see if anyone there knows anything.

I spent the day with my cousin Lindsay yesterday at her new house. It was nice getting to hang out just me and her. This isn’t to say that I didn’t have a nice time when I went with Gail and my mom, but it is always more relaxing when I can just hang out without having to take care of other people. We mostly just talked. However, we did go to a local deli for lunch and to a cute little down town shop. I got Gail a stuffed cat while we were there and I got me a hand made embroidered Among Us keychain. I got Lindsay to download that game and not I think she is hooked on it too. I finally figured out how to get the Halloween skins. For anyone else who may be interested, you just go into your computer settings and manually change the day to October 30, 2019. However, I put the year in as 2021 and it still worked.

Finally, there have been some improvements with Ross I think. The day before Brent’s girlfriend was supposed to come over, Brent came to me and told me that he hoped his dad was “okay” during the visit. Ross overheard my reply and later asked me if I was talking about him. When I said I was, Ross instantly went on the defense saying “Fuck you!” However, I decided to just tell him the truth, and I told him what Brent said. I think that hearing that his son was scared that he would embarrass him on his date really hit home because he started crying. Before this happened, he and I had already had a talk where I told him that he is either going to stop now and return to treatment or I would leave. He agreed but then he spent the next week taking all of the drugs that he had on had because “he didn’t want to waste money.” However, after the situation with Brent, he actually sold the remainder of his pills and took his first Suboxone pill in months. He is half a week in and is actually doing pretty well so far. I am hopeful but still on guard, because I meant it when I said I was at my limit with this. I know he has a problem, but I can’t wait my whole life for him to start working to fix it. I know that slips are going to happen but it is like I told him, a slip up is when you fall down and get back up, not when you fall down and use your failure as an excuse to stay down. I really hope that this time is different.

Love Always, AnxiouslyM

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